Last night, not far from my home, I basked in the glory of the radiant full moon. I made libations, scattered grain, and whispered heart-felt prayers. I asked for guidance and grace from the divine feminine. I raised my voice in song as an offering and allowed her blessings to pour over me. It was a good night.
Blackest Night
Shining stars in the sky
Moon Silver White
Oh sweet mother of life
Blessed am I, O blessed am I
To be, to be, to be
A daughter of your light.
It was cold and dark, the wind lashed at us from all sides, driving us on. The lake-waters thrashed and roared without cease. Despite the chill, the air was electric. I could feel the power of the season coursing through me. It was Saturday, the 22nd, the Autumn Equinox and it was time for magic. We walked slow and steady through the sand until we found the spot on the beach that wanted to be our place.
We tried lighting candles and incense – a fool’s errand. When we realized, we laughed and set aside that bit of the plan. Each of us in our own way made peace with their absence, accepting that the strong moonlight and fresh scent of the lake as better still. After a few moments, we attuned to the place and began our work. We divided the tasks among us, one casting circle, each of us calling a direction, one leading the spellwork, and myself guiding the meditation. It was one in a handful of times that I’ve guided a meditation. Inspired by the place and time, the quality of my company, and the spirits with whom I work, I let the meditation flow. I’d planned it ahead of time (here’s the text that I wrote - Mabon 2012 Guided Meditation - attentive to the needs of the group of witch-folk I was with) but in the ritual moment details were added or altered, the contours of the experience changed, my facilitation style shifted too. In that time in that place in that moment my companions wildcrafted what they needed from the morphing meditation. To close the ritual, we sent the remaining energy to loved ones for their health and healing, thanked the powers invoked, closed the circle, and departed.
The whole experience was intense for me, much more so than I really expected. I laughed, I cried, I sang. In that time, I remembered how blessed I am and I reacquainted myself with my ability to also offer small blessings to those around me. I am incredibly thankful for what I am able to receive but also for what I am able to give!
Blessings!
The song Shake It Out from Florence and the Machine is another jam that I have to share with folks. It helps me connect with my core self and also with Dionysos 
. I discovered this song and very cool music video a few months ago (along with Cosmic Love).
Shake It Out makes me dance wildly! I cannot tell you how many stiff necks and sore muscles I can credit to this song. It has catharsis and liberation written all over it for me. I let go and suddenly I feel good again.
Could the same happen for you? Go find out; Shake It Out!
“Leader in the dance of the fire-pulsing stars,
overseer of the voices of night,
child of Zeus, be manifest,
with due companionship of Maenad maids
whose cry is but your name.”
~From Sophocles’ Antigone,
Translated by Elizabeth Wyckoff
The above excerpt from the Choral Ode in Antigone came to mind when I was listening to “Cosmic Love” (lyrics here) by Florence and the Machine earlier today. Watch the “Cosmic Love” music video on YouTube.
Silenoi and Maenads Pressing Grapes
dark fruit
pressed
supple skin
yielding
taut flesh
torn
sweet liquid
spilling
holy libation
ecstatic liberation
DIONYSOS be praised
crazy. insane. out of his mind.
stripping me naked
clawing flesh, exposing bloody bone
I watch and dance my undoing.
tumbling over laughing, screaming, bleeding
up into the mountain, down into the earth.
maenads sing my mad-happy end.
having learned the song, I join in that too.
singing, dancing, dying, becoming
Lord Ganesha
While walking through a local shop, I encountered a statue of Ganesha that spoke to me, loudly. I tried to leave it where it was, but I just couldn’t. I had to purchase it. I stepped up to the counter and paid. I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face. Ganesha definitely had something to say to me. When I arrived home, I laid out a beautiful cloth that was made in India. Atop the cloth I placed an incense burner, two yellow candles, the statue I’d just purchased, and a framed image of Ganesha (pictured to the left).
After lighting his incense and candles and saying a prayer from Loving Ganesha, I stilled my mind and allowed his message to take shape. He said – in a rather vivid encounter – “Express your joy” and “Let it flow.” The first message was straight forward. I am an incredibly happy person who sometimes neglects or outright forgets her joyous core. Joy is a powerful piece of who I am and I don’t feel like me if joy is not being expressed freely in multiple forms. Usually in song, but also in thought, speech, and deed. The second message – “Let it flow” – took a few minutes of pondering before I could really connect with its meaning. Basically, I tend to be very guarded when I do not feel heard, when I feel like my Self is not being recognized, understood, and received. This feeling has been steadily increasing for years now. Ganesha indicated that my feeling of being trapped within myself and simultaneously misunderstood by others is not how it has to be; that feeling does not have to persist. Ganesha invited me to let down my guard and let my Self – whoever that Self may be – flow and take shape without derogation or derision.
Love and acceptance poured from him. It was incredibly refreshing and healing. I cried. I was really grateful that he took the time to tell me that Self is a right and it is always taking shape, always becoming and that we need to express that becoming Self boldly, fully, and without shame. However, I was also extremely frustrated that a god had to take time out of their busy schedule to tell me something that I really I should have known already. I did know this already, right? I’m not stupid, am I? Was I born yesterday? Am I not 30 years old? What 30 year old still needs to be told that they are worth while. That’s something we should just know, right? We should, right? When I received my master list of shoulds and should nots from The Office of 30-Year-Old Affairs when I turned 30, I am pretty sure that was on there, wasn’t it?
This is the sort of frustrating line of questioning and self-doubt that happens when only one tiny sliver of one’s being (e.g. the mind) knows and understands an important piece of wisdom but the rest of the being (e.g. body and spirit) does not know and understand it. In my case, intellectually I know that I have a right to be Me, mySelf but apparently I do not believe that – do not believe in the worth of that Self – and so important spiritual pieces in the puzzle get lost or more damaged than usual when the puzzle box is shaken.
I see the pattern, there’s no denying it. Makes no sense to pretend. There it is. That’s one of my spiritual hurdles. Self worth. Arggh! Just when I start to shake it out like Florence Welch, it grows claws and digs in deep. Damn! Now I have to redouble my efforts to truly know on multiple levels – mental, physical, spiritual…yes, down to my core…to accept completely – that there is nothing Wrong with me a being, as spirit-soul. I am worthy. Worts and all. “Without derogation or derision” says Ganesha. Hmm, I have to figure that part out. That’s hard. Too many shoulda, coulda, wouldas, shaking around in my psyche, too much shame. I accept my Self as I become, without derogation or derision, because I am a beautiful part of the divine plan manifesting itself. Wow, that feels weird on my tongue. I have to figure out how to unweird it. I repeat, damn! This is hard.
I recall again Ganesha’s love and acceptance. When I think about how wonderful it felt to have that kind of love and acceptance of my Self, that feeling reminded me of related messages I have received from other deities over the last several months (Freyja and Dionysos, especially). This self worth issue has neon lights around it and a runway strip pointing to it. This is big. This needs attention. No, more specifically I need my attention. Holy Modaka! I have to take care of myself at the spirit level, soul level. Whoa there, back the bus up. What? I repeat for the third time, damn! I don’t know how to do this. Oh wait, They will guide me. Yay! Oh, I have to do the work myself though. I knew that and I respect that, but DAMN anyway! Ok, I’m back. I’m ready. I can do this. I am doing this. It is in the process of getting done. I am making progress. One foot in front of the other.
I see now that because of the self-worth issue I often feel I need permission. A few kind lords and ladies have taken it upon themselves to guide me in sorting through some of the big pieces of this issue. I still find that more than a little shocking and very frustrating because I feel like I am keeping deities from other things. Do they really need to spend time thumping my skull? Ugh! Well, I have decided to trust that they don’t need me telling them what other, better things they could be doing. When they have something to say, they will say it. When they don’t, they won’t. It’s really that simple. If they want to offer guidance, I’m not going to detour them and I’ll try not to make myself feel bad about it.
And so, with my worts and all, I say thanks again to Ganesha (and also Freyja and Dionysos) for loaning me a chisel to shape my inner labyrinth. In the coming weeks I plan to do a larger offering for him of flowers, incense, and sweets. Mmm, modaka .
