I have been a very heavy person since I can remember. There are many heavy people who are happy to be so and it fits in with their image of and understanding of themselves. However, I have never felt good about being heavy. I have never felt like that was the skin I was meant to be in, though it works well for others’ sense of self-worth. For some reason, weight control and weight loss have always seemed just outside of my reach, more the stuff of fantasy than reality. Recently, I have been asking myself why that is the case. Usually when I set my mind to a task, I accomplish it, so why has weight loss been so different for me when other folks do it all the time, transform their bodies, change lead to gold (however they personally define it). I will not bore you with the details of this psychoemotional struggle over the years. Suffice it to say that I have all sorts of needs that were not met and food seemed to fill the void. However, now that I am better acquainted with myself, my needs, and alternative ways to fulfill them, I believe that self control in terms of what I put into my body, and consequently weight loss, is possible.
I am actually convinced that sharpening control of what I eat and how I move my body (i.e. exercise) are part and parcel of my Great Work. It is the one thing of great importance in my life that I have yet to truly deal with. Many of my other “issues” flow from how I view my body. The effort, time, energy, and new perspectives needed to change my body will also effect a number of psychological, emotional, and energetic changes with consequences for my life in general and my spirituality in particular. For me, body alchemy is about right relationship to my body as a temple and to food as an extension of sacred earth. That right relationship will then effect changes in my body composition, strength, and quality right down to the biochemical level. To my thinking, on a spiritual level, I am working and reworking my Root chakra. Improving energy flow in that chakra will kick start and have positive effects on all the chakras above.
When I first got it in my head that this is indeed still important to me and will have reverberating effects for my life in general and my next spiritual steps in particular, I had planned to take an oath to a particular god/dess in order to create some accountability. Now I realize, the only oath that needs to be involved is an oath to myself! This particular task is mine to own and complete. In my visions of the process, I see pain, discomfort, tears, and sadness (yes, losing weight is hard, very hard), but I also see great joy as my body transforms, a sense of accomplishment as I do what I set out to do, a growing sense of self-efficacy, strength and stamina as I figure out the logistics of altering my body, and growing resolve because I know that if I can do this – transform the undesired to the desired, lead to gold – I can truly do anything. This is my Great Work, and my will shall be done.