A Thurs-Spirit On the Road to Nerthus’ Hall

In Fall of 2011, with staff in hand and under cover of my white satin veil, I fared forth to Nerthus’ hall in Vanaheim. Before departing, I offered oil of patchouli as well as blended oils of Saturn and Earth to Nerthus, Blessed Lady of Twisted Roots and Ancient Bones. I thought my offering was sufficient to ensure safe passage and clear messages from the goddess. I was wrong.

I slipped out of my skin and into Vanaheim but it was a turbulent journey. My connection to that realm was not as strong as I had hoped or as I would have expected given the practice I’d had with venturing into others of the Nine Worlds. For unclear reasons, my awareness slipped back to Midgard – to my living room to be exact – where my body was entranced. I worked to determine what brought me back to my home base; it was quick work because off to my left I saw an angry spirit whose ire raised the hairs on the back of my neck. It stomped its foot in anger. I tried not to panic. He looked like a thurs to me, large and intimidating with a twisted form. Once I figured out what it was, I invoked the power of the rune Thurisaz and banished it, then returned to Nerthus’ Hall in Vanaheim. However, the journey was still quite rocky and involved a fair amount of disorder and confusion.

Nerthus spoke to me of many things. She was not completely out of focus but was less clear than I’d hoped. During our visit together in Vanaheim, she shared another piece of her mystery, which I relished (Hail Nerthus!). In my experience with her, Nerthus is both the potential for life that hums just below the surface of dead deep-winter earth and so too is she the death that grips earth in deep-winter. Her might seems intimately interwoven with life and death, most especially their power to potentiate one another. Rich earth contains building blocks. the codes for life and death. So, earth is the element I associate most with Nerthus though she has very strong water associations for me as well. Where she is connected with water, I see murky, earth-filled water like bogs. I think of bogs as the first wombs of life – where the first primordial Life Smoothie was mixed up by Nerthus herself – and as the first tombs – where the spent remnants of primordial life were interred and used to feed new life forming. Nerthus went on to share that she has a role in relation to the physical remains (particularly bones) as well as the spirits of many animals, trees, and plants, which is not surprising given her larger connection to life and death. She did not offer too much detail about this role. Before now, I connected Nerthus with human life fairly exclusively but she clarified on this journey and helped me to see that she is involved in stirring many species’ cauldrons, not just humans.

At this point in the journey, my mind wandered to and fixated on tree spirits. Then it dawned on me, the angry spirit in my living room was not simply a random thurs; it was the spirit of my staff! I returned to Midgard and spoke with the staff spirit, a spirit of Ironwood. I apologized profusely. He demanded appeasement in the form of beer and bread. I agreed to his terms in order to right my wrong and he quieted. When I returned to Nerthus, everything was “Claritin clear”, it was like a fog had lifted. Nerthus shared a few more helpful messages and confirmed that the staff spirit and I had some work ahead of us.

I infrequently fare to Nerthus’ home but I think I may need to walk that path more often. She is a great and mighty lady to whom I hope to give much more honor in the months and years to come. Hail Nerthus, Holy Mother, Sovereign Queen, Lady of Life and Death! And, I most definitely need to improve my spiritwork etiquette. In the future I will do a more in depth assessment of beings encountered along the way in order to minimize the chances of looking like a rude fool.

Mystical Moments: Epiphany and Ecstasy

So, I am relatively new to mysticism. I realized that I was a mystic over one year ago when I had an intense interaction with Hekate via a Drawing Down aka (partial) possession ritual. That ritual provided the concrete experience that made the reality of intimate, powerful oneness with deity clear to me and helped me to realize that particular aspect of what I wanted in my relationships with deity was possible (which was an amazing realization because for a while I thought that sort of Connection wasn’t gonna happen for me).

Through my experiences over the last year, I have come to define epiphany as the energetic “appearance” of a deity, which may or may not be accompanied by a visual manifestation. For me what makes it an epiphany is the pervasiveness and intensity of the experience. If you have no doubt that you are being enveloped within the massive presence of an awesome being where your body (all five/six senses), mind, and spirit all experience that presence in a stimulating and absorbing way, then it is an epiphany of deity. That deity (or maybe generally a “big” spirit) has come into your space in an enormous way. For me, when deities make an Appearance in sacred space, I often become overheated, cry, feel at once excited and relaxed, a sense of awe pours over me and I want to scream, run, move closer, join with the deity, and a host of other things. The experience is highly personal and I would imagine because of that it is different for everyone but I suspect the common thread is the pervasiveness (i.e. you can’t really think about, do, or experience anything else but that deity) and intensity of the experience (whatever that might mean for you).

Those two threads combined create the ecstasy. It is at once passionately pleasurable and powerfully uncomfortable because it is a direct encounter with something profoundly Other that for a moment (or longer) is at One with you. [Some might wonder about the "uncomfortable" part. Well, you try being separated from the standard reference points you have for who, what, why, how, when, and where you are and see how "comfortable" you feel. Shifting states of being/consciousness so profoundly for a moment or more is mind (et cetera) blowing. Yep, "uncomfortable" is putting it mildly, but the pleasure...um, wow! Moving on...] The desire to at once run from and move closer to the experience is what seems to generate the pleasurable and uncomfortable sensations. Also, this ecstasy has a physical element, at least for me. I often am short of breath, in tears, sweating, and/or having other, more minor physical responses.

At this point, pretty squarely situated in my early experiences, epiphany and ecstasy are the stuff of mysticism. I seek the pleasure, fear, elation, pain, passion, longing, fire, and ice of union with deity. Thus far, my experiences have been with gods (Hekate, Nerthus, and Dionysos in particular), but I suspect that other types of spirits can produce this response in the human mind, body, and spirit when fully present and seeking intimate connection with a human being.

To date, my mystical experiences have been ephemeral – three to five minutes, although with Hekate it was a little longer – but they inspire me each time, encouraging a striving in me that invigorates all of my pursuits. I want to grow closer to the gods and spirits, to seek out their mysteries, for the ultimate purpose of doing their Work, being of Service, and – I’m not gonna lie – the sensation. Awe is its own kind of feeling and its own kind of reward. One day, when I am a grown-up mystic, I hope to do my laundry, cook my meals, and take in each breath in some awe-filled state of ecstasy fueled by the wonder of being.

So, how do I facilitate mystical encounters with the divine in my practice? I follow this sequence:

1) Complete physical, mental, and spiritual relaxation and purification rites (when I half-ass this part a sense of union is usually not achieved at all)

2) Reduce the fear that the space between the deity and I is substantial and irreconcilable (It helps me to acknowledge that mysticism is not new and others do this Work regularly across multiple cultural and spiritual contexts).

3) Engage in devotional work and prayer/communication with deity (regular/ongoing, not just when I prepare for a Meeting)

4) Once thoroughly centered, relaxed, and properly cleansed, speak aloud or whisper invocations/prayers to the god (honorific, reverent, praise pieces), usually one or several that I have written myself or improvised on the spot; whatever the case, it’s always heartfelt. Occasionally I will splice in bits from ancient hymns or more contemporary devotional material created by other devotees. This step in my process reaches out to the god, specifies my intent, and invites their presence/our Meeting/Joining/Union/or whatever sounds the least cheesy .

5) Enter a trance state via a method that feels comfortable (usually rhythmic swaying/rocking, humming/droning, deep patterned breathing, many times the deity invocations themselves are enough to put me into a trance state). The deeper the trance the fuller the mystical experience of union is for me. Sometimes trance leads into a journey where my consciousness is somewhere else Connecting with the deity. Other times, my consciousness is a little closer to home and I am overcome with the presence of the deity, no travel needed. When I have my own plans for something quite different than a full blown Meeting, that is usually when a journey is involved; in those cases, the mystical bits just happen along the way. When I intend Connection of the mystical variety, that is when I sit in my living room and “have a Moment”, or not, if the deity is not feelin’ it.

**A few notes on the process: Give yourself time because lots of barriers within you have to crumble before deity can be Present or before you are open enough to notice. Don’t try to force it, because you can’t. Deities have free will (duh!); they will either decide that today is the day or they will not. Just because one deity does not Appear to you does not mean another will not. No matter what, a (mutually consented) relationship with the deity usually needs to be cultivated first, especially for folks who do not shift consciousness and/or experience energy easily.

My mystical path has not been about escapism or denial of self. In fact, I find that my work with the spirits and gods brings me back into standard awareness in order to complete a number of tasks, some personal and some for the community. In addition, mystical pursuits have brought me to a great understanding of myself. It’s helped me to live the reality that we all exist in dynamic relation to one another. Me and you, us and them, here and there are concepts built for sport really. The way I see it, there is no me without you, no us without them, no here without there. Self is constructed in relation to other people, places, things and ideas. A child alone is destined to wither and die. It’s only with the presence, care, and nurturing of community and environment that a child’s life and self develop and flourish. Mystical practices have strengthened my hold on that reality and its implications, rather than help me to escape from this world, its people, and its concerns. Everything is connected in my worldview. Mysticism is a facet of that truth. Consequently, mysticism is one more way for me to be fully, completely, absolutely, engaged with this world (and the “other” worlds).

Thus far, my journey toward mysticism has been beautiful and awe-inspiring. In the words of Sigourney Weaver in Planet Earth, “Long may it be so”.

Glimpsing Deity: Glamour Falling, Ecstasy Rising

"Semele" by John McKirdy Duncan

So, is it just me, or do the gods’ seem to use glamours (which are magickal illusions) to veil their true form? I mean, it makes sense to me that they would since they are most definitely “big and powerful”. Consequently, for one of us mortals to look upon their true divine form is to be as Semele in the presence of Zeus – ablaze – not in a metaphorical sense; no, quite literally on fire, if we even get to that stage. We would probably bypass being on fire and simply vaporize, as might be the case at the center of a nuclear reactor. That’s the best way I can describe it.

I think their most common and trusted glamour is the symbol system of the subconscious, unconscious, and collective unconscious. Basically, from the way I understand the process, they seem to use the elements available in our minds to create veils for themselves when making “earthly” appearances (but they have symbols that they like which is why many people will see some common elements when they are visited by the same god). As implied above, the point of this glamour does not seem to be disguise or deception but our protection from them!

I have had two deities – Nerthus a while back and Hekate most recently – lift a layer or two of their veil and each time it was an INTENSE experience. Like crying, could not breathe, wincing, and wanting to run toward and away from the majesty of it all at once. I-N-T-E-N-S-E. I think that intensity is the ecstasy often associated with divine epiphany. As I draw closer to Freyja and Dionysos, I can sense similar experiences on the horizon, though I acknowledge their will in the matter and it may just as easily never happen for me with the two of them. Mercury and Odin are hanging back in that department, likely for their own reasons; again, they are free agents in this process so it may happen or it may never.

I will say that when these minor glamour “liftings” occurred, I was in deep trance (and in the situation with Nerthus, I was on a journey). Each time, something felt “off”. I could see the goddess but I could sense a great deal more behind what I saw. It was like a king running around in pauper’s clothing. They look poor, but their presence, the way they fill a room, reflects anything but that. Then, the more aware of it I became in each case the more layers of their glamour fell away. I’ll say it again, I-N-T-E-N-S-E.

Have others had a similar experience? I would absolutely love to compare notes. Feel free to leave a comment!

A Stave of Ironwood

Finally…finally a staff has come to me, a stave of Ironwood wrestled from the etins of Fox Ridge. Unfortunately, I was not dressed for wrestling etins on the damp Saturday afternoon in late April when we went seeking (bad planning on my part, I know!) but Cindy was indeed clothed for the mighty work at hand. She fought as my champion and won this stave in my name.

A Winding Stave for the Winding Road

I will allow it to dry, probably until Yule, at which point in time I will strip the bark, rub the shorn staff with the appropriate protective oils to waterproof the wood (thanks for the woodworking tips, Cindy!). I hope to sain and consecrate the stave for journey-work and deity/spirit communication at the start of the 2011 Wild Hunt. I may even have a three or nine day blessing ceremony beginning in mid-December, just before or right on Mother Night and extending through the first few days of the Hunt. As part of the saining and consecration, I will add glass and gemstone beads (for my gods, the wights, and my ancestors), small bells (for warding and protection), and possibly some fur and/or bone from the animals that guide me on my path (Coyote and Crow, no Barn Owl inclusions due to legal restrictions). I also wish to carve or burn a few runes into the stave. Eihwaz is a common journey rune that I utilize often in my work. Elhaz is another, for protection and connection to deities and spirits. Ansuz for Old One-Eye, the original Wanderer (Gangleri and Vegtam are common epithets of Odin). Fehu or Kenaz for Freyja, the Spádis herself, Seidhkona of Seidhkonas. Berkana or Laguz (leaning toward Laguz) for Nerthus, Lady of Birch and Bog. And maybe, just maybe, a rune or three (Perthro, Nauthiz, and/or Hagalaz) for the Nornir, the executors of Wyrd. I will listen for each of their voices to see what they will.

Hail the Ironwood stave! May our journeys together be blessed!

Nerthus: Our Lady of the Ineffable

The last several weeks seem to be an important time for me. I am going through some significant spiritual, emotional, and psychological changes. These transition-laden times tend to get a girl thinking about significant past spiritual experiences, especially divine encounters. Of course, one of my most intimate spiritual experiences was in March 2010 when the Goddess Hekate was drawn down on me by a friend during a small ritual at my home. I remember that Hekate was the goddess who was entering my body but Nerthus played an important role in helping to deepen my grounding so that I could better create and maintain a connection with Hekate for the duration.

At first blush, I thought that Nerthus’ presence was purely functional, but now I realize that her presence had a secondary but no less important purpose; Nerthus was there as a sort of divine high priestess, to oversee and bless my very physical, very body oriented sacred experience. The surrender of body to Another, the process by which the spirit is pushed aside to make way for the Spirit of Another, it is all blessed, all sacred, all holy and Nerthus was there to see it through. They do not call the point of surrender a “crisis moment” for nothing. I doubt there is anything more frightening and exhilarating than giving up your vessel in this world for a god to joy ride in it for even a few minutes. In the face of that terror, Nerthus was with me, facilitating and sanctifying the surrender.

Some might wonder why Hekate would not fill that role herself. Honestly, I can’t tell you. Maybe she was busy trying to shimmy her size 24 butt into my size 2 body and she needed someone to help her suck it all in because I was being particularly resistant. Maybe Nerthus as a deity near to my heart just wanted to be there and be involved. Maybe my body issues demanded the presence of a deity who specializes in such things. Maybe it was like Sacred Marriage where sometimes you need a priest and/or members of the community to verify that the marriage was consummated. I don’t know. All I know is that Nerthus was there and she aided my transition into a deeper relationship with Hekate by helping me get in touch with and then surrender my body to a new experience of the divine.

The experience was huge. It was powerful. It was like no other. It was awesome. It was amazing. Um, yeah, all of those words fall short; it was ineffable!